We're Toxic, You're Slippin' Under

While I was in Tulsa for D-Fest (short for Diversafest - it's a zany mix of EVERY type of straight white middle- to upper-middle class person in Midtown Tulsa!), I ate at a couple of local establishments: Brookside By Day for delicious waffles and home fries, and Kolam for palak paneer and naan bread. Both places, as many restaurants in Tulsa do, stocked the most recent edition of Urban Tulsa Weekly, an arts and culture zine reporting on all the interesting things to do and think about in the greater Tulsa area. Usually the writing within the publication is smooth sailing - liberal, sensitive to civil rights issues, tolerant, etc. (the ads are a different story, obviously - "Erotic Circus?" Really?) But this time, I came across this gem:

"Many women don't understand or accept how important the visuals are to men, thanks largely to the toxic feminism that's seeped into regular people's lives. While there are lipstick feminists out there, the prevailing message of the women's studies feministollahs is that male sexuality is criminal or close to it, and women degrade themselves by doing anything to appeal to their "patriarchal oppressors." As a result, women like your ex-wife may feel justified and maybe even virtuous for taking the lazy way out with the soccer mom hair cap and the all-you-can-eat fingernails."

Now, this is part of an "advice" column (read the entire thing here), and it IS someone's opinion, and that's fine. At first, I got offended by her claims about women with short hair being "lazy" - I have short hair, and now, instead of fiddling with bobby pins and blow-dryers, I can spend my time doing things like organizing charity events, editing a magazine, and actually READING about feminism, which the person quoted apparently doesn't have the time to do. Which brings me to this: what really bothered me about this was that the person who writes this column is assumed by her readers to be more culturally aware than almost anyone else, especially about women's concerns (she's called the "Advice Goddess"). And if people who are purportedly culturally aware think that any legitimate academic feminist would teach that "male sexuality is criminal," we have some serious work to do. As far as I know, the third wave has been happening for, oh, at least fifteen years now, and "Advice Goddess" would do well to humble herself a little and do some background research before telling someone that feminism is "toxic" and anti-male. 

This is also another perfect example of a woman being anti-feminist because she feels that feminism does not include her "type." If "Advice Goddess" read even the first few pages of Manifesta or Full-Frontal Feminism, she'd see that it's simply impossible to put a face on feminism. It is an abstract concept that has morphed into an ugly and very real (and very hairy and man-hatey, I assume) monster in our collective cultural conscience. Not many people would be surprised if I walked around with a "This Is What a Feminist Looks Like" t-shirt on, but there are plenty of feminists out there who definitely don't "fit the bill" (and by "the bill" I mean "the hairy-legs, short-hair, no-makeup, no-manicure stereotype"). 

Well, gotta run, my witch's cauldron full of "toxic feminism" is overflowing all over this blog.